First blog entry in over two years. It’s a historic day folks, mark your calendars.

Hello, anybody, hello, I’m not hearing any cheering, I don’t get a polite applause? You know the polite applause right, the applause given to fill the silence between introduction and when the speaker begins talking.

I’m always thinking to myself during one of these obligation claps that maybe this person doesn’t deserve the applause. What have they done? You don’t know what this person is about yet. What if this guy is getting up to inform the audience he intends to sell cigarettes to five year olds and use the profits to lobby congress into allowing him to strip mine national parks? You just never know, you could be applauding this guy and he’s a freeloading, kid corrupting, dog hater (I knew if I failed to convince you he was a bad guy by any other means being a dog hater would put you on my side =) ).

Where is this going? I… well, I’m not sure. I don’t have an agenda, no meeting notes, no audience that I know of.

I’ve decided to start writing in this blog again to sharpen my writing skills, to have an emotional release, to…well I’m writing because I mentioned to a new friend of mine that I had posted to a blog at one time. This was during one of our first conversations; she had a blog so of course I had to mention my short lived endeavor at blogging. If you’ve never been there I suggest you check our her blog StopAhead I give it high marks in all categories (but I’m not gonna tell you what the categories are =) ).

It’s phenomenal. Superb prose, excellent pacing, and she expresses levels of detail about everyday life that is not easy to capture. She’s done this four / five times a week for the last couple of years. If you don’t believe me go check it out for yourself.

So fair is fair, she wants to see my blog. I was (am) intimidated. I have three or four entries over the last two years. Most of my entries are quirk, muddled with a little self loathing and pity humor. My entries were written by a guy that no longer exists, a more apathetic, and alone version of what I am now.

I needed a change in my blog, a new direction, a fresh start. It needs to mirror the new me, a changed me.

So what has changed? I think I’ve grown up in an important way between this post and the last one.

I’m happy being me. Experiences over the last couple of years made me happy to be me.

Being “happy being yourself” or “your terrific just the way you are” has always sounded a little to “after school special” for my taste but it’s hard to argue with.

Society teaches us to become different people; we are never good enough the way we are. If you excel at modeling yourself to fit society’s image you go to Hollywood and make millions of dollars.

Society is right in the wrong way.

We are not good enough; we will never be “good” enough, that part is true. Society says we can fix ourselves that we can become better people, we can transcend, morph our bodies and our minds to fit whatever image we want to project. We can’t. Deep down everyone knows we can’t, people will be what they will be.

Well that’s not very optimistic, that’s terrible, depressing, bring back that old guy, he may have been apathetic but this is down right morbid!!!

You’re right, but I haven’t finished. I’m not one to preach, I get a queasy feeling just writing this. I get this feeling whenever I’m in the deep end of a conversation, like the eyes of the world are shouting contempt at my attempt to think deep.

They say, “Who does he think he is? Does he think he’s being original? Does he think he’s clever?”

To those eyes I say, “I am who I am,” “No,” and “Yes I do.”

You ready for this, my mini-sermon, my life altering formula? God can change you. God changes hearts and minds. It’s true. To not say this would mean I would have to face the reproach of the eyes in the mirror. Those eyes, those eyes, are unmerciful, and full of more than just contempt. Those eyes, they know.

I changed when I stopped denying God, when I accepted I would never feel comfortable living a life I knew was wrong.

The apathy is still there, but a simple acknowledgement of who I am allowed rays of optimism to shine through.

Sounds hokey doesn’t it? Well maybe it is, but so what. Hokey is a better companion than cynicism.

Embrace the hokey =)…

I hope to keep this blog running for a little while. I hope to make it full of hokey optimism, but barring that, I hope to at least avoid apathy.

I was walking with my Grandpa in his garden during a late summer afternoon. Night was trying it's best to creep in but the summer days refuse to retreat. The day's are long that time of year, and seem even longer when you spend them in the country, away from the street lights. Street lights always give a dull sensation of night, when they're not around you get a sense of evening that city life does not allow.

I remember the chirping of the crickets, the croaking of frogs, and the feel of fresh turned dirt under my bare feet as I walked behind him, stepping in his tracks, or trying to, his stride was too much for me to handle. The earth smelled as rich as I did after a hard day of running and playing.

I was baiting him to race me, I was getting older now almost seven or eight and he was an old man, I could beat him, there was no way I couldn't beat him. I knew he had a bad back but my child's mind did not understand that he had a bad back, I did not understand lingering pain. A child's body rarely rebels on them, they abuse their body, their body does not abuse them.

So I begged him for a race, my Dad could still beat me in a foot race, but surely my Grandpa couldn't. I am sure he stated several times that he couldn't run, he had a bad back. I am sure he had pains then that I myself am not familiar with now, and if I am lucky, will not be for a good many years. Pains, aches, and a little boy tagging along, chirping like one of the crickets to RACE... RACE...

I remember him saying "Go on run towards the house I'll give you a head start...” I turned for a moment, and then didn't go... I wanted it to be a fair race; I understood that a race with a head start was not really a race at all.

"Go on...” he said.

I ran, down through the edge of the garden, my legs moving at hyper-speed, to fast for anyone to catch. The soft broken dirt welcomed my barefeet.

I was winning!!! Already I had left the edge of the garden and was running through the cool wet grass, I was in the home stretch, half-way between the garden and the house.

I heard him then, the agile footfalls coming up behind me. I remember seeing him pass me; I am sure my jaw dropped, and he stopped just on the other side and let me catch up.

I do not know what that foot race cost him. I do not know the pain associated with running a quick sprint when your back aches and your body is in the later years of life. The price was higher than I can estimate being a young man. In thirty years, I may be able to tell how much it cost my Grandpa to race his young grandson on a clear summer night, but right now, I can only imagine.

I saw my Grandpa for the first time in a year this last month. His eyes are frosted, and shouts are whispers to his ears. His bad back makes movement painful; walking is a chore. His body rebels on him, denying him a moment’s comfort. He was once proud he was once strong.

Stories of his youth, stories of growing up during the Great Depression when everyday life was a struggle to survive let me know that he was once tougher, and made of much sterner stuff than I myself am.

Now he struggles to climb into the car. Now he sits at the dinner table in silence, unable to make out much of the conversation around him. He defers to his wife because she still sees, hears, and can drive a vehicle when the occasion requires.

In the parking lot of the restaurant, after dinner we pass a modified import. Some kid has spent a lot of time and money putting ground effects on his car. It's a Mitsubishi Eclipse; it has a racing stripe on the side, and a fin on the back.

My Grandpa stops to look at the vehicle. Where they live, you don't see cars like that. In the small town where they live pickups and Cadillac’s are the norm. He is fascinated with this tricked out import car. He makes his was around the car, taking it all in, or trying to.

"Get in the car...” my Grandma chimes. She is ready to go. He continues his inspection, asking us what kind of car it is. We tell him an Eclipse but he does not hear, we will shout it at him several times before he understands us. "Honey, come on get in the car...” she acts like she is talking to a child, and in some way I despise her for it.

My Grandpa lets himself be lead back to the van; he has had less than a minute to look at the car. My Grandma has very little patience. There is no fight in him; he is beyond that I believe. Years and pain have melted away the mettle he once had, the panache that every man with even an ounce of pride has.

Maybe we are punished for our arrogance later in life, maybe pride is swallowed a piece at a time as our bodies break down and our eye sight slips. Poetic justice can be cruel, and demeaning.

Later my Grandpa went out to feed some cats that show up around their house. By now it has grown from a few cats into an infestation. My Grandma complains about it, I am not sure whether it is really an annoyance; I do not know how serious she is when she talks of getting rid of them. I do know that as long as he feeds them, they will come, and they will bring friends, neighbors, and all their children. Already a good eight to ten camp out back waiting on their free meal, and my Grandpa gladly gives it to them, performing in his own way a kind of civil disobedience; it may be his last race, the only foot race he has left. With the number of cats camping in the backyard, I believe he has a good head start...

Integrity.. It struck me the other day how little most value that now days. I thought of this while watching a movie called Quiz Show. The movie of course had to do with the Quiz Show scandal in the 50's, it was shocking then to learn that GASP the show was setup, the winners chosen. It struck me when I was watching it this time just how far we have come as a people, not just in the US, but in the world as a whole. Personal integrity seems to mean little if nothing anymore, honor is worthless to most, if this happened in today’s society people would be callous, uncaring about a game show that wasn't "real" I mean what is real right...

The movie made me think about something else as well, taste, and how it changes over time.. I had seen it before, at the time I had not liked it all that much, now I find it a much better movie than I did the first time I saw it. There have been other movies that I have found this with, not many, it tends to happen more with music than with movies. I have wondered if perhaps some thing’s you just aren't ready for at a particular time in your life, your experiences haven't allowed you the benefit of being able to understand something fully, then life happens and a few years later you find yourself in a place where you not only fully understand the lyrics in a song but the music behind it. You understand the point of a movie you missed before, you see a picture and grab the mood and perspective that seemed alien. I wonder if this is something universal, I would think it is although I can't say I have talked to anybody about it. It seems the kind of thing that would make for dull conversation, probably makes for a dull blog as well =)

I really don't think I'll have a prevailing theme throughout my blog; this is because like most people I do not have a prevailing theme in my life. If I did it would probably be way to dull to actually take time to write about. When I created this the other night I thought that maybe a simple journal would be ideal, something that I could rant to, toss ideas in etc.. My feeling on this blog is that I will be perhaps the only true reader of it, one strange thing about the internet is that while billed as a medium that brings us all together irregardless of social aspects that would keep most of us apart it is so big, so expansive and so impersonal most everyone tends to get lost, to fall between the cracks. Oh did I mention I have a tendency to over analyze even the most trivial things, well if you doubt this re-read the last paragraph.
Guess for this edition of the blog I will talk about the name of the URL, Something Eventual, I chatted (or rambled) about this a little in my previous (first) blog. It is in fact a bastardization of the name of the Stephen King book Everything’s Eventual. If you have not read this I highly recommend it, it is a collection of short stories in the vein of Four Past Midnight and Graveyard Shift. Like those it has some very, very strange stories. King I believe really lets his imagination fly more free in his short stories and the result is some stories that just leave you floored.
I would like to chat with King sometime, this is fairly unusual for me, I do not really have a desire to talk to any celebrities, or athletes. I am not what you would call a "fan boy" I think that hero worship is well, stupid. I can admire how well someone plays a game, I can admire how well they perform in front of a camera, but actually meeting them and falling over myself to tell them how great they are seems rather ridiculous. King though I would like to chat with. I think it would be great to sit down and just chat with him for a while, maybe have some coffee.
My favorite King book is without a doubt The Stand. If you haven't read this book then for the love of god go buy it and read it, not the edited version, the complete and unabridged one.
Until I find the time and the desire to write again I will see you in the funny papers..

My first post, hmmm, this should be something clever, witty, and without spelling errors, uhh yeah.. I just finished reading about bloggers on MSNBC, so I figured I would try it out. I have read blogs in the past but never really thought about writing one until now, I think Jerry Seinfeld had a stand up routine that made light of things that seem to be a good idea late at night when your mind is tired and impressionable, I have a feeling that tomorrow this will be the equivalent of the guinsu knife for me.. Hey lets post some personal crap up on the internet for everyone to read..
Today I went over to a friends house, hung out and played video games, I'm 24 years old and still a kid. I remember summers wasted playing video games and just sitting around with friends, only difference now is that I don't have parents to tell me to get up and go outside.
I named this weblog Somethings Eventual, wanted the Everythings Eventual title but it was already taken. Really like the name of that book of short stories from Stephen King, don't like the "somethings" quites as much but think it's a more true statement.
Oh well, will find out in the morning if I should have just spent my night ordering the guinsu set of steak knives...