What I didn't expect...

My wife and I were either crazy or crazy like a genius mad scientist crazy when we got a dog about 2 months before our son was due.  We figured we would have a dog for our son to grow up with, a puppy for us to enjoy while we were stuck around the house, and in a weird way we figured that if we were going to be loosing sleep and changing our life anyway why not go the fully monty?  

We got our dog, a miniature schnauzer (he's closing in on 20 pounds - he's at the upper end of what I would call "miniature") he's awesome.  We kind of had something else stirring in the back of our heads, we thought taking care of a puppy would prepare us for some of the sacrifice it would take to take care of a kid.  Now we didn't believe that a puppy would be all a kid was going be on the scale of sacrifice, but we did think it would get us maybe 20% there, something like that.  Boy were we wrong.

I can hear the parents out there laughing right now.  I know, I know, ridiculous.  Whatever...

Here is what I didn't expect from the little guy, the biggest thing I didn't expect.  When we were taking care of our puppy during the first several weeks we got up with him probably 3 times a night to take him outside.  He would do his business, worst case we would be back in bed inside of 15 minutes.  I expected a kid to take up maybe 30 minutes, feed, change, burp, back in bed, right?

I can get up at night with our baby, but its the length of time that is really draining.  He gets up, he's wet, really wet.  I change him, he's upset because he didn't get up to get his diaper changed, he wants FOOODDDD!!!  I get a new outfit ready, wrap him in a blanket and begin feeding him, 5 - 10 minutes.  He eats.  This takes about 20 minutes or so.  Frequently he falls asleep during the feeding and you have to coax him to finish, I've learned that him falling asleep is not code for he's finished, oh no I made that rookie mistake, that's just him testing you to see if your naive, he'll be back up in 10 minutes demanding more if you call for that trap.  So he finishes up I put a new outfit on him, change him again because he has soiled another diaper while eating, another 5 - 10 minutes.  You swaddle him, you rock him, then you hear it, yes that is another diaper change.  You change his diaper.  You put him to bed, with the pacifier, he's content, you crawl into bed, victorious, sleep is your reward, and you drowse off to sleeeepppp, and what was that?  Is he crying?  Yes, you get back up and you find that he has wet his diaper, another 5 - 10 minutes.  He's got another fresh diaper, he's on his third outfit, and he's been feed.  Surely he's okay now, he will be good for another 3 hours, you can sleep.  

You put him down, breathing short breathes lest he hear your breathing and mistake it for an attempt to sleep on your part and wiz in his diaper again.  Carefully, slowly you back away, you get into bed, and you drift to sleep, and your asleep and what was that?  He's fussing, not loud just fussing.

WHAT IS IT NOW????

Plan B - turn him over to his momma.  She in turn will spend the next 30 - 45 minutes replaying most of the steps you did in the previous hour and a half.

The frustrating part is watching him sleep for 4 - 5 hours the next morning after a feeding and a diaper change.  

Ahhh parenthood is gonna be fun.

Snails and Puppy Dog Tails...

Our second most recent addition to the family, a one Mr. Jackson (miniature schnauzer) got a workout with some really energetic little boys the other day.  It made us feel good to see a glimpse of what is to come when our little boy runs around with our little puppy.  They are gonna have a blast together, I can hardly wait to see it!!!

My Firstborn Son

I've been attempting to write a post, a letter for my son for the past several months.  Writing a letter to someone who you don't know is not as easy as I would have thought.  What to say to someone who you don't know?  What do you convey in such a letter?  Is it heavy or light?

I think what I've been trying to say is this, there is truth.  The one thing I would like to pass on to you is that there is truth, it is not subjective, no matter who you are, or where you are.  There is truth, there is that which corresponds to reality.  Right and wrong exist, and they exist because God put them there.

You may face some very hard trials in your life, but thats okay.  Good times are not always so good, bad times are not always so bad.  Bad times can produce things in our life that are great.  Hard times can create a boon in your life.

The good times that you have, give God praise for them.  Remember your creator in the days of your youth.  Your Mother and I did not believe we could have kids when we found out that you were on your way.  God created you, he used your Mother and I to do it, but it was he who gave you life.

I do not know who you will be yet.  You are potential wrapped in a blanket.  You will ultimately be whatever God made you to be, glorify him, praise him, commit your way to him, no matter the life you lead it will end and you will be held accountable to him for what you have done with the life he gave.

I love you my first born son.  I love you so very much, I don't love you because of who you are or anything you've done, I love you right now just because God gave you to me.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Unconnected Paths

I finished a book the other day, it was not a small feat, it was the first book I've managed to get all the way through since moving into the house, it took me a month and a half. For those of you curious I am a pretty fast reader, in fact I read the last half of the book in about two hours, the first half was enjoyed in the sparse free time I've had over the past couple of months, in the last place I can find free time, yes I am talking about the bathroom. It maybe disgusting but a stomach virus wouldn't be a bad thing, I've been seeking them out. I've thought about having some Mexican water shipped here so I can experience a weeks worth of reading and free time. I could call it the Montezuma Porcelain Vacation Package.

Anyway, I feel the need to post without the overall theming that I usually place on a blog post.  The book I finished was All the Pretty Horses - really good book.  Didn't really want to go into the book, its a Cormac Mcarthy novel, he is not afraid of treating his characters rather brutally, but he goes a little easier on them in this book.  His characters always feel very poetically real.

Something else I've squeezed in was a few shows of Kitchen Nightmares.  I watch this show with my wife, its fairly enjoyable for a "reality" show.  I don't know how successful this show is, but it did occur to me the reason it was even on TV was that its an example of strong male leadership.  The premise of the show is family owned restaurants, in trouble, failing, about to go under and Gordon Ramsey comes in and turns the place around.  Gordon Ramsey is the foul mouthed head chef from Hell's Kitchen btw, successful restauranteur.

Problems with the restaurants are numerous, but generally speaking the problems are all the same.  You have a staff member or owner who is causing problems, the food is frozen and horrible, the food preparation area is nasty.  What Ramsey provides is not the food itself, he doesn't begin preparing the food for them, he doesn't run the restaurant, he confronts the issues and the personnel involved and forces change.  This is what leadership looks like.

Other than that I have nothing.  As I write this we have a few minutes between getting home and small group.  My wife is taking a nap, and I am writing away in the few minutes I have.  Time is not impossible to find, it is just sparse, and spread out.  Reading the book, watching a movie, watching a show, everything must be done in compressed periods of time.  I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

Life is not unconnected, there is a path, a way to go back and find a coherent narrative from every true life story.  I don't know the point of that, its just what I feel right now, and what I tell myself to keep moving forward, there is a point, God has fixed a time and a place, our job is to follow him as he leads and pushes us towards it.

It won't last for long...

Big stuff today. Wife got hit by another car in the Krogers parking lot. Wasn't high speed, but we did end up in the hospital for observation. I was scared for a while. The thought of loosing the baby seemed real. There was a moment when my mind ran through what it would feel like to mourn all the possibilities that would never be. It scared me, it really did.

It occurred to me during this process that I have made the turn, I now consider myself a Dad, I am not technically one yet, but close. When I first got married there would be times when I would wake and a feeling of unreality would wash over me, I would think to myself "I'm married" as a reminder, because it felt as if I had just been daydreaming the whole thing. Over the past several years that feeling has gone, I am married, to feel not-married would be surreal now. I wonder if that feeling of unreality will hit me often during the first few months of life for my little baby boy.

I honestly don't think I will have time to think about it, I think tomorrow I'm going to wake up and I'll be 55 and my son will be out of the house, and whatever other kids will be soon moving that way.

Thinking about today makes me amazed at how quickly things can happen, how quickly they can change. There is a feeling that the days pass so quickly I have to be imaging them. Today there was so much that went on, yet it was gone in the amount of time it takes to forget a dream once you open your eyes.

The Balance

I'm gonna be a Dad. I remember my Dad mentioning one time that becoming a father meant that you wanted to be better. I know what he means, I want to be better, to overcome some of the hidden sin, to be an example that my kid(s) can look to.

Growing up was not easy. I grew up Independent Fundamental, with a leaning more towards the independent in my household. My parents never agreed completely with all the legalistic trappings of our church, yet we still held a form of fundamentalism, just not the extreme. I have gone off about the whole fundamentalist doctrine many times, I am still resentful, and that is to my discredit. It is hard to know exactly the right thing to do. Norman schwarzkopf has a quote "The truth is you always know the right thing to do, the hard part is doing it." He is right and wrong, sometimes you know the right thing to do, others your left scratching your head.

I am not an athletic person, never have been. It was okay because I was never really interested in sports. I had a big imagination and was far more interested in books and movies than throwing a ball around. Sports were something I did in an attempt to relate to everyone else. I never related very well with sports because I wasn't really interested, and I was never any good. The thing was I didn't relate well with anything else either.

There are groups of kids who aren't good at sports, they relate through video games, movies, and music. I didn't relate well on that front because it was taboo, or at least a good portion was. Here is the thing, I understand my parents hesitation. The majority of the what our culture produces is filth. Aside from actual filth there is the underlying messages of the TV / film / music that is filth. Star Wars is a good example, it is an amazing movie, it teaches heroic self sacrifice, and a message of atonement, and it is also heavily steeped in a New Age philosophy.

For many christians sports is the safe alternative. There is a heavy christian influence that runs through many sports programs. The team prayer at the beginning of a game, the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, sports are safe. Yet when you get in practice or a game you hear more cursing, talk about sex, exposure to pornography, and discussions about drugs than you would from most movies I was prevented from watching.

This world is fallen, and exposure to the fallen, fractured pieces of this life will happen. You can't really control it, but you want to build a wall around the innocence of a child, protect them, even though you really can't. I've been thinking maybe its not the exposure, its the awareness. An idol is an idol, regardless of the form it takes. A kid really into goth music worships the bands they follow, a kid really into football will worship their favorite team or player. Tell me how far apart are these two images, what is the real difference between the two?



These are the extremes right? Thats not the average fan in either instance. But that is how extremes all are, if you take sports fans in the extreme, and compare them to the extreme of those into role playing games there really aren't that many differences.

If you look at those who are fans in moderation? Can you really say that watching or playing football is far more wholesome than watching a popular movie? Last time I checked the cheerleaders still weren't wearing that many clothes, and the pride filled celebrations have as much to teach as the rock n' roll anthem that fills the soundtrack of a game during timeouts.

So what is the balance? Do you try to find the lessons in whatever your kid is predisposed to? It is something to try to figure out. I really don't know the answer, being a christian parent is going to be hard.

The House

We have been in our new house for just over a month. I've been meaning to journal how awesome God is. It seems kind of ridiculous to talk about the awesome of God regarding something as simple as a house purchase, he created the earth and the sun, he can handle 1600 square feet, still I feel the need to give him the glory.

On the way to look at our house we had a fight. I didn't want to go look at the place, I was tired and didn't wanna. We had an argument, but we went to see it. When we walked into the house I knew instantly that we would want to put an offer in, I didn't think we would get the place, but I knew we would offer.

The place was polished. The floors had been refinished, there was new paint, but there wasn't the fresh non-professionally installed flip house granite counters in the kitchen. Nice touches.

By this point in our house looking process we would put an offer in on anything, we had been rejected so many times I was confident in our ability to not get any place, so we put an offer in. There was a counter. What? Really? A counter? We had started looking 8 months before, we didn't quite know what to do. We had read the books on the process of house buying about a year before, what did the process look like after you put in an offer. We didn't know.

So we countered the counter. Their first counter was kind of cheese ball. I had been aggravated, I told Heather that I wouldn't pay over a really odd number - last four digits 450. We countered, they came back with that exact number. We looked at it as a sign, we had asked for direction - it seemed God was giving it.

We accepted the counter on a Monday night. On Tuesday morning I am having a quite time and Heather walks out of the bedroom, "I'm pregnant!!!" WHAT??? "I'm pregnant!!!"

We considered it another sign. If we had found out a moment before we may have second guessed, if we had found out any later we would have considered it maybe not quite the act of God we came to see it as.

The inspections came back good. We closed. We prepared to move in.

The night before we were set to move into the new house my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law came in to help. Around @1AM my mother-in-law comes into the room, "Jeremy someone is knocking on the door and calling your name." I get up confused, I go to the door, no one is there. I open the door and hear something. I walk around the side of the building and there is a geyser shooting up to the second story of the building. The water main to the building had busted, and it was right outside our apartment. I go back inside, walk to the bathroom, and I feel water on my feet outside the door. I turn on the light, a full two inches of water is on the ground, and more is coming in.

There a few moments that stick out. Heather jumps out of bed, doesn't know whats going on and throws a towel down on the floor. Praise God though, our apartment was packed, and the place where our boxes were stacked was high ground. If we hadn't been moving, we would have been moving. Our apartment was flooded, but there was no causalities, everything was okay.

What a month. God knew I needed the extra push out the door, the extra assurance that we were doing the right thing, of course he knew, he is God, he is amazing.

12-1D

Apartment 12-1D. I've moved out, forward all mail, but leave all bills please.

I sit here in my new home while rain pours outside and ponder the newness of this place, and all the memories of the old apartment. As with many posts on this blog I feel an incredible rush and urgency until the moment I begin to write then find a traffic jam of feeling and emotion sitting at my finger tips and an empty screen staring back.

I grew up in 12-1D. I may have graduated high school and gotten my first job in my parents house but growing up really started one night when I put a final load in my Dodge Avenger and drove into Houston to my new apartment.

When you spend a decade in a place you come to identify with it. You know it, you know the exact position of the knobs for a hot shower. You know the exact way to close the door. There are well worn paths throughout your place, they guide you no matter how dark.

Many neighbors came and went, but I stayed. I had a corner apartment, shaded in the morning.

I met my wife and we spent the first three years of our marriage in that little apartment. I will never be able to think of that apartment without a tiny knot of sentimentally welling up in my throat. Even the hard stuff seems easy in retrospect. When I first moved out I had little or no money. I ate Ramen noodles, watched TV on a 12'' screen. Weekends were spent alone, I couldn't afford to go out.

I grew up in 12-1D. There are memories, more than I can count. Most of the good ones involve my wife, my Heather. Before her I thought of my tiny apartment as a black hole, a place where I disappeared for a few hours of sleep. She put life into my tiny little black hole, she brought in the light.

One memory before I get to the story of moving out. Our first Christmas as a couple. Heather convinced me to get a Christmas tree. We were in the middle of finals, but we couldn't force ourselves to pay attention to them. We spent time watching Christmas movies, drinking hot chocolate, and staring at the most sparsely decorated tree ever. That Christmas was the first that I can remember thinking of that apartment as home. Prior to that Christmas home was always spent at my parents place, it was home, after that Christmas my apartment was home.

Moving out wasn't a hard decision, but the whole event has lingered in my mind.

Next post, getting the house.

Who your friends are....

Those who you invest the most time in are not always the people who will invest time back in you... Found this out moving into our new place November 21st 2009..

Government Downsizing

Read an article in USA Today about a trend in the Northeast to downsize local governments. Towns in New York are holding referendums to eliminate council positions. This is fascinating. You have a group of people who are finally standing up and proclaiming that government is "for the people by the people".

What is fascinating to me about this situation and others I've recently read about is the extent to which human emotion plays into decisions. I've been reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and the book gives some real insight into situations such as this.

The ringleader of the movement, Kevin Gaughan, has successfully ousted many town council positions consolidating the five positions down to three. He sells his downsizing by playing up the anger of the people, talking about how times are tough, that they've lost jobs, why shouldn't the government have to tighten its belt too? Council members sit on their bench, raised above the crowd, and that is just not how it should be. They are servant of the people, and if they are not doing something to fix the problem then they are a problem.

So to think through the situation logically, what does the council have to do with jobs being downsized by international corporations? Nothing. Have these council positions been expanded in the past ten or twenty years? No. Does a council position make someone wealthy? No, a position only makes about $16,000 a year, this means eliminating two positions would save each tax payer about $4 a year.

While I am not really for or against the idea of eliminating town council positions it is fascinating how a man can rally a cause using situations where people are scared and blaming those that have no authority or ability to change the situation causing the fear.

I remember a history professor talking about this. There is a need within humans to simplify bad situations into black and white. If there is an economic downturn the problems are rarely black and white.

Try making a talking point of the current situation, what exactly happened to cause the downturn? Economics has always been part black magic. Was it the oil prices going up causing inflation? Was it the real estate bubble? Was it the over leveraged credit? You know what I think it was, the guys with red hats, they did it!!! It was those guys!!

See how effective that is? You see the red hats in your mind don't you. You can visualize guys in red hats. You now have something to concentrate your frustration on.

I think this movement has the potential to go national, and by that I mean people actually discussing eliminating Congressional districts. If the current instability remains I have no doubt this will be discussed. It doesn't matter that it doesn't make sense, that people would be asking to eliminate representation, they want to blame someone, who better to blame than politicians?

Mirrored Elevators

I do not care for elevators with mirrors. I'm guessing that in theory the mirrors help the more claustrophobic, make the elevator seem larger. Anyway forget that, take the suckers out, RIGHT NOW!!! They are to dangerous!!

Today I'm standing in the elevator doing what you do in elevators, wait and stare. I notice something, I'm staring at the reflection of a dude on the other side of the elevator. Worse he catches me staring at the reflection, which I thought of just as a side of the elevator until a second ago. Now me and the dude are having a moment, just the two of us, on an elevator, with the reflections.

I did the only thing a dude can do in a moment like that, COMMIT!!!! You have been caught, you were dude staring, or dude gazing, or something to do with looking at a dude in a confined area, you have to commit and win the staring contest. The goal is to make the other dude more uncomfortable than yourself.

This was a big dude, and he was not in the least uncomfortable, we stared, reflection to reflection, ding, elevator ride done. The dude stare was broken as the elevator doors slid back and the lobby replaced the view of some dudes kisser.

I stepped out of the elevator thinking next time I will be one of the impatient number gazers, anything is better than the thought of staring at a dude, then getting caught.

Do you tip everyone now?

So I've run up against something that confuses me and that is the trend of constant tipping. Is this something new?

A few years ago I could only name a few places I would tip - restaurants and the barber come to mind. At a hotel I would carry my own bags, and I live in Houston so I'm rarely if ever in a taxi. Lately it seems tip jars have popped up everywhere. Is this new or have I just not seen it?

Coffee shops, ice cream parlors, shuttle services, the porter at the airport, everywhere is a tip jar. The latest place tips have shown up is online on blogs and podcasts. I have occasionally tipped for a good blogpost or podcast but I've always felt it was merit based. The people on the other end are making little or nothing from their posts, they are working hard in many cases, they deserve a tip.

Should people doing their everyday jobs for which they are being paid get a tip? I mean if you need to tip the ice cream lady do you also need to tip the McDonald's cashier? If the ice cream lady why not the McDonald's dude? Am I missing something?

The waitress at a restaurant has her compensation based on the idea that she will get tips, is it the same way with these other services? If I'm paying $2+ for a cup of coffee is the salary for the "Batista" not built into that price? Is scooping ice cream into a cone really a tip worthy service? If so how much?

Its not that I'm uber cheap or anything I just find it confusing.

This week I was shocked to find a tip jar in the shuttle from the hotel. Why? I've never tipped before, have I been rude and inconsiderate? Is tipping expected for these types of services? I'm guessing the hotel employee isn't paying for the gas or the van that has the hotel name stamped on the side.

The other issue, I rarely carry cash so I always find myself sheepishly wondering how to deal with these situations. I mean its only a dollar or two, its not like I mind giving a tip, its just that its unexpected and I'm not quite sure merited.

Am I the only one who asks these questions?

Credit Scores and Giant Hemorrhage Inducing Constipation Turds, Is There a Difference?

Allow me to rant for a minute, or two if you don't mind.

Back in April / May time frame when we first began looking for a house I did what most buyers do - check my credit score, see if anything is hanging out that I wasn't aware of etc... No issues or problems, just checking it out. Had excellent credit, no issues, applied for a loan, got a good rate, life was good.

Six months later we finally find a place, before we found a place we also found furniture, nice bedroom furniture. We had no idea when we purchased the furniture how soon down the road we would be getting a house.

Pier 1 has a deal, sign up for a credit card get 10% off your entire first purchase. Bedroom furniture cost a lot, we are talking hundreds of dollars in discounts. How can we pass that up? We are looking for a house but it won't really affect the score that much will it? My credit is very, very good, won't hurt a bit, what's a few points?

Applied and promptly got turned down for the card. That's right turned down!! Have the embarrassing moment where the lady walks over and says that it turned me down. WHAT??? I'm not trying to brag but I have an above 800 credit score. There is not a late payment on my credit. How could I possibly be turned down? She says that I will get an explanation letter in the mail in a few weeks. A few weeks later I do not get an explanation, instead I get a Pier 1 credit card!!!

A shiny new Pier 1 credit card appears, and the first purchase will be 10% off!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! We already have the freaking furniture!!!! It does me no good now!!!!! Okay, okay, that was mild frustration, but only mild compared to what I've seen this useless credit card do to my score.

How many points would you think applying for that card would throw me? Five points? Ten points? Ohhhh noooo, thirty-five points!!!! That's right thirty-five points off the credit score trying to grab a few hundred dollars of rebates. That thirty-five points is going to cost thousands upon thousands of dollars.

Man I hate credit cards and credit card companies. The whole credit score system is such a crock of crap. I am the most uber form of pissed right now!!!

"Dude, I'm married with patio furniture..." Prez

I have four posts "in the works."

Two of them are over Saul, the evil Israel overlord who tries to murder David. I will get back to that soon, I'm hoping by the end of the month, those posts take so long.

Another posts is about my Aunt. I just don't know what to say, its a horrible situation. I'm actually a few years older than my Aunt so we grew up as something more like cousins. I have never known a person so prone to drift with whatever influence came her way. Now everyone waits to see what will happen. What to say?

The other post was about two different books I have just finished, Up in the Air and City of Thieves. Of the two books Up in the Air was the most that I had something to say about.

I don't want to talk about any of that. Right now I am sitting next to a wife who nervously watches her Dallas Cowboys try to loose yet another game. We have spent most of the weekend setting up bedroom furniture. That's right bedroom furniture. Never thought I would spend so much on bedroom furniture. Never thought I would spend so much time setting up bedroom furniture.

There is something that has stuck with me from a HBO show we really like The Wire. One of the characters is asked if he wants to go out with everyone, he comments "I'm married with patio furniture". The level of married you are somehow has a correlation with furniture. Let me just say this, there is easily 4X - 5X the amount of money spent on this as I've spent on all the furniture I've ever had in my life. Of course when I moved in I spent I total of $75 on furniture, doesn't take much to get more expensive than that.

Married with bedroom furniture, yeah, I saw her eyeing some patio furniture online, wonder how long till we're shopping for that?

Up in the Air

Finished up two books recently, might explain why I'm having a hard time completing another post on David, but anyway the books.

First Up in the Air. Amazing book. The title, like most, has dual reference. Ryan Bingham is a member of the business class of flyers who rack up hundreds of thousands of miles a year always up in the air. At a deeper level Ryan's life, plans, relationships are all metaphorically up in the air, always circling the runway, and the story is about him trying to land only to find he has been circling the wrong runway.

What happens when you stop moving long enough to realize all the people and ideals you have put your faith cannot hold altitude?

I always enjoy getting a chance at peaking inside the lives of people who live so radically different than I do. I fancy that I could have been Ryan Bingham, a man lost in the airways of the United States given just a few different choices.

The book is the story of the crash landing at the end of such a disconnected life.

Some of the concepts I found fascinating in the book had to do with how endlessly worthless corporate ideology is. Ryan searches for value, for meaning, in his work with no success. He criticizes the religious while worshipping a god he knows is false and will ultimately sacrifice him. The book leads us through his faith in each and every one of his idols being destroyed.

Is that what the book was trying to convey? Is there a sense that once you slow down, once you stop flying and put some weight behind the ideals you have in your life they will give way underneath you. The only way to manage is to maintain altitude, never travel in a straight line, always jump from point to point?

It was a good book, very sad, and very modern.

Saul - King 1.0 (David Part 3)

This post was started back in September. I just couldn't get this one going for some reason, I'll post what I have and maybe something else will come to mind later.

Saul is one of those tragic Bible figures. He is known for his pride. He is known for his rebellion. He is known for his murderous attempts on David. It would be nice to point to some point of Saul's life, prior to his rebellion, where he was not the man he would be remembered for, and show where he went wrong. There are a few stories that display courage and humility. His hiding among the baggage when he knew he would be pronounced king.

When I started really evaluating though what stuck out with me about Saul is how he never really pursued God. Along his path to being anointed by Samuel the initial departure is due to missing donkeys. His father wants him to go find the donkeys, he sets out and journeys far and wide looking for a pair of difficult jackasses. It is his servant that recommends going to see Samuel or "the seer" to find the donkeys.

Saul's reaction to the suggestion of going to the seer is interesting. He asks what they will bring to pay Samuel off. I haven't been able to find (due to lack of trying - I have to admit it) how large of an issue that custom was, this was not something that seemed to concern the servant when he suggested going to Samuel. What I do know is that Saul goes to Samuel looking for a favor, and there is a certain business like nature to the arrangement. David does not go to Samuel, Samuel goes to David. Saul is man's attempt to appease God with whatever we happen to bring. David is God coming to us because we really have nothing worth bringing.

This is the difference between the two men. I have another post where I talk about how much alike they are, but this is the essential difference. Saul is a religious man, David is Godly man. David realizes that you can't buy favor with God, he created the fullness of the world including you and I, what could we possibly bring? Saul wants a favor from God, but he will not pursue God and inquire of God, he will attempt to pay.

I have more on Saul but I figured I would post this up. These post are way more exhausting that I expected.

It's good to be king!! Horrible to be a subject! (David - Part 2)

Until the 20th century one of the most popular cure-all's was something known as quicksilver. Quicksilver was said to be the cure for indigestion, syphilis, hair loss and old age. It was a fantastic medicine, it would do it all. The problem with quicksilver was that it didn't do all these things. It does not cure anything, and as a bonus it is highly poisonous. Quicksilver is a really cool name for the element Mercury. Mercury poisoning causes "paralysis, insanity, loss of motor control and death." During the better part of three or four centuries people would take quicksilver with the effect of getting worse and not better.

So the question is how did mercury get a reputation as a cure all when it poisoned? The answer seems to be that mercury looked kind of magical, its a metal that stays liquid at room temperature. It was a case where it looked magical, it looked like a medicine. There was certainly no empirical proof that mercury lived up to its reputation, in fact it was quite the opposite. It was easy, it did everything, it was supposed to cure everything you could possibly ever have, take it, its easy, it will solve the problem.

Kingship. The closest thing we have now is the royal family of Britain. They are a far cry from the old school kings. The traditional kings, the historical kings seem dated, and foreign to us in a way that the current British crown does as well. The idea of giving complete control to one man, setting him up as absolute authority seems like a disastrous and idiotic idea. So when I read through Samuel and reach the 8th chapter I have a hard time comprehending the request "give us a king". It seems odd to have a group of people asking to be relieved of their money, their children, the best of their property, and their right to complain or stop any of this from happening. This is exactly what the people of Israel are asking for, they are asking for someone to come in, steal, kidnap, rape, murder, and to do it with the full weight of the law. What??!!??

When they come to Samuel with this request he isn't pleased, and neither is God. God being good and gracious does not just grant them what they ask for and let them find out the joy of being a subject to a king, he actually lays out exactly what the king will do.

"This is what the king who will reign over you will do: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. 12 Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. 13 He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. 14 He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. 15 He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. 16 Your menservants and maidservants and the best of your cattle [b] and donkeys he will take for his own use. 17 He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. 18 When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, and the LORD will not answer you in that day." I Samuel 8:11-17

The Israelites live in a country surrounded by kingdoms. They have plenty of object lessons on what it is like to live under the rule of men. They have been oppressed historically, they know what having a king is all about. Just in case there was some kind of misconception, some belief that it will be different God lays it out. Here is everything a king will do to you, your children, and your children's children. This is the system you are asking for. Then God puts it to a vote, after hearing all of this, do you still want a king? Do you want to take quicksilver? Its poison, it will kill you, I know it looks good, but it will cause insanity and death.

Yes, not just yes, but heck yes, give us that!!! Give us a king!!

WHAT???!!!

Seriously?

This is what you want?

Here is the thing, this is what they wanted, and its what we want too. We are all quick to give up responsibility. Responsibility is heavy, it weighs on us. Lets start simple with a simple example, a houseplant. How many have had the experience of going out of town and thinking as your getting in the car, I wonder if the plants will be alive when I get home, guess I should have thought of that. What about a pet? Can't just leave them, have to get someone to watch them or bring them with you. Get married, be a man who takes on the responsibility of a wife, have children. Finances, home repair, dinner, its heavy, its hard, we just want to give it to someone else.

Do we as a society want someone to fix things? What are all these "public services" if not? Public education, transportation, healthcare? People just want someone else to fix it, to take care of it, to do it for them. There is a cost though.

When transportation is public you don't get to go directly where you want, or stop wherever you want. You don't get to choose the amenities. You get in, you sit down, and you ride. You involve government in education and you don't get to dictate what your child learns or the quality of their teachers.

Now imagine that responsibility being national defense, not in the sense of being part of the National Guard, but in the sense of supplying the tanks, guns, missiles. You were responsible as a people to individually go out into battle trusting God to deliver you from the people you were fighting.

Israel of the time had faced war for countless years. They had been beaten and oppressed by all the surrounding peoples. We have the benefit of seeing these struggles as ordained by God, a way of God bringing his people back into his will. In our everyday lives we react like the Israelites did. We see trials and we seek to solve the trials in pragmatic ways. We see financial struggles we respond with hiring financial advisors. We have medical problems we go to the doctor. Now there isn't anything wrong with those things, but trusting in those things, believing they will save you is wrong. The Bible is very clear that God was using the various people to bring the Israelites back to him. Their sin was the root cause of their continuous struggle, yet like us in our lives they looked for a physical solution to a spiritual problem.

Their burden of responsibility was heavy, they were tired of fighting for themselves, they just wanted to have a guy who would do it for them, take on the job of national defense. If it costs them, it was a price they were willing to pay.

"We want a king over us. Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles." I Samuel 8:19-20

The Israelites wanted a warlord. They wanted someone to fix the problem, they wanted someone to lead them up into battle. The oppression they had experienced was from God, he had brought them the trials. This was their solution. They rejected God as ruler, they turned to man, a warlord to fix their problem.

We never get what we want. As Goliath taunts the Israelites Saul hides along with his men. David stays in Jerusalem in the time when kings go out to war. Israel will find out that a king is just a man, and he will seek others to shoulder the burden that is his own. He will sin and cause them suffering, he will take and not give. He will not protect them, in fact he will seek to murder them. Sin is quicksilver, it looks good but it will cause insanity and death.

The Heart

6 When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, "Surely the LORD's anointed stands here before the LORD."
7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
1 Samuel 16:6-7

It has the sound of something that should make us feel hopeful, yet the more I think about it the less hope I feel.

David - Part 1

If you grow up going to church there is a good chance some of the earliest stories you experience as are the epic Old Testament stories of Jonah, Moses, Joshua, and David. Felt board figures still decorate my recollection of these stories. The whale, the city walls tumbling, and a little boy and his sling against a mighty giant.

Even to those who did not go to Sunday school these set of stories are among those you never remember hearing a first time. Like your name you don't ever remember it, you simply know it.

That is the way I am with these stories, I can imagine it is that way for many, if not most people my age. I do not remember my introduction to David, he has always been there, but unlike many stories his has not remained fixed. David is not King Arthur, or Robin Hood. His story contains layers and themes beyond others. As I have grown, so has David's story.

I'm embarking upon a study of David. To be truthful I've read David's story many times, and recently I've heard several messages over his life. I found myself finding different aspects and lessons that I think are important, not knowing what else to do with all of the ideas I've got floating around in my head I've decided to start a blog series. I am not sure the extent of the study or how much I will actually have to say, I am not sure what I have to say is worth writing or reading. What I do know is that this will be much more likely to happen than the set of lessons I saw in my head for my Sunday School class, or the idea of a book that was in the wildest and most fanciful of daydreams.

I will start with the story everyone starts with, David and Goliath.

Its easy to see why a kid obsessed as I was with comic book heros would be so drawn to this story. How much bigger than life can you get? There is a boy, stepping onto a field to face an overwhelming opponent. His opponent has defeated all others, he is alone without any to save him if he should fail. While all others hide their face and despair this boy charges the enemy not with the might of a sword, or the fierceness of a bow, only a stone and his faith.

As a kid I read and reread that story in my picture Bible. I remember taking our big family Bible at some point and looking up the story of David and Goliath and was shocked to find a rather graphic picture very unlike the one in my little Bible. This picture had a severed head, I was intrigued, I had to get the rest of that story.

The longer I read David the more epic he became. He is a warrior, a priest, a king, a poet, a musician, a friend, a redeemer, an adulterer, a murder, an outcast, a mourner, and a repenter.

David is not a likely kind of hero, he is a shepherd when we meet him. He's the youngest boy, sent to take care of sheep and go bring food to his brothers.

Its not just that David has an interesting life though, its that David's life and struggles hold deep thematic symbols for the life of another man born centuries later.

We are all at one point hiding from a foe to large for us to defeat. We hide with no one to help us. We look to our government, but like Saul of the Old Testament they are unable to meet this foe. We look to our friends but they look out over the field and are unable to rescue even themselves. We look to our family but they are not capable. We are defeated, until we look to a boy, born of the house of Jesse. He doesn't flinch, he doesn't hide, he looks across the battle field and steps out to meet this foe.

He doesn't need armor, nothing of this world can help him in this fight. He will cast off armor because his strength and protection is not in this world. He will bring no sword, he will bring only a uncut stone. That stone will strike a giant and that giant will crumble like the statue in Daniel's vision.

We are not able to face the giant of death, and sin on our own. It stands on that field of battle having destroyed all others before us. We must look to our David, our shepherd King who walks onto that battle field for us.

Everydayness

A couple of months ago now my wife finished up her Bachelors. We are now officially done with the undergraduate stage of our lives. What now?

I began understanding something the other day that has eluded me, the tendency to not recognize a change in life immediately, only gradually. We are done with our undergraduate, that may not seem life changing but it is. We are now "dinks", we are now free to plan evenings, and weekends, holidays are still a cage match of family interests but that is another post.

What to do with our time now? I don't know. One of the things being in college does for you is insert change into the everyday routine. Its like scheduling change into the Fall and Spring every year. Even the summer has a different feel when you know the change that is coming soon after. I haven't been in school for a year but my wife's school did that for both of us. There were late night study sessions, runs to Barnes and Noble, comfort food breaks and a steady decoration of folders and notebooks along the couch and living room floor.

What to do now? When life is dictated for so long its hard to find your way to understanding what to do without that constant time master around. We've run the gamete over the last few months. We've spent massive amounts of time "catching up" on classics such as "House M.D." and we've spent time eating out with friends, going out and eating more dessert than we should.

There seems to be an everydayness creeping in. Maybe this is why so many of our friends are having kids. They reached this point a couple of years ago, spent some time sitting and waiting for events and decided they wanted to insert a little chaos into the mix. With my wife being a teacher she is well versed in the chaos factor of kids, she said one of the things she enjoys the most is the fact that its never the same.

So here we are, I'm hoping that over the next several years we can enjoy the everydayness, and break the monotony with a dog, traveling, maybe picking up an extreme sport (skydiving) or a scooter (motorcycle), buying a house. There are millions of ways to insert chaos, and some of them don't require diaper changes.