Habit

Only bad habits form fast and stay long. Any positive change is only temporary. I lost 30 pounds in about 4 months at the beginning of the year. It wasn't that hard, like most things in life it comes down to really deciding to do something. I realize there are some exceptions, but for the majority of people the only thing stopping them from reaching a goal is lack of discipline. I decided I was gonna loose weight, and I lost it. I cut my portions, stopped eating sweets, stuck to water and coffee. I lost 30 pounds.

I have now regained 7 pounds. Apparently the discipline to start something is easier to come by than the discipline to keep it up.

That's life right?

Win / Loose - Ebb / Flow

Is there any constant in life? Harsh isn't it. There is a draining constancy in life yet an awful aura of change that draws in and out of our lives.

Like the sands through an hour glass so are the days of our lives right :)...

Old House

Wedgiefication or Olympic Gymnastics!!!

I may have missed the "sweet spot" for this particular post, but I'm gonna go ahead and post it anyway or maybe I'll just post the stuff that I actually wanted to write and not all the stuff I was gonna write to build up to it - does that make sense?

The gymnastic judging system is the equivalent of a middle school wedgie. For those of you who don't know middle school wedgies are known universally as the most dynamic and omnipresent of all wedgies (yes they seem to be everywhere at once).

The Chinese girl team had the biggest advantage not because of some scientifically proven logical nonsense, they won because they were of middle school age, in a sense they were at one with the wedgie.

They should add another scoring category specifically for wedgies and the competitors efficiency at picking them.

Ever notice how anything with a "The" in the title is important, The Olympics, The Superbowl, The Jeremy. Yeah I just included a "The" in my title.

That is the end of the post, I should do this more often.

Forgetting the Point

Security guys seem the worst at forgetting the "point." I'll give you an instance and see if you can relate. I'm in a meeting discussing a disaster recovery site design for the University. One of the comments was that a backdoor type of access maybe required so that in the event of a disaster we would be able to get in and bring everything online. The security guy became somewhat incredulous. "I can't believe that you would want to put hundreds of thousands of dollars into security just to allow someone to bypass it." I sat while he went off and then asked if it made sense to spend a couple of million to bring a DR site online only to make it useless during a disaster because it was so "secure."

Its not just IT security guys but security guys in general. The security guards at our apartment complex have the same sort of mentality. We have yet to get a 2nd hang tag for our new car. Some of the security guards have a hard time with this, they've been told that they have to sign in non-residents (i.e. someone w/o a tag) but we're residents. They continue to sign me in, everyday they ask me my name, to the point that its a joke. Why not go get a hang tag? I can't let them win, I'm gonna stick it to the man, or in this case the security guys!!

Severe Weather Days

Severe weather days are the "snow days" of south Texas. In honor of our first severe weather day of the year I wanted to post the top five things to do during a severe weather day.

5.) Hoard gas!!! You should anxiously fill every spare tank with gasoline, you never know when sniffing the fumes will be your only relief from the boredom that comes after a few hours without electricity.

While your at it you should hoard everything. Grab Sam's size portions of baked beans and packs of peanuts. You never know when you may need 5lbs of Vienna sausages.

4.) Assess blame!!! Why do we still have storms? If Wiley Coyote can invent a weather machine why hasn't the government created one yet? Why has someone not done something about this already? I personally blame George Bush.

3.) Panic!!! Severe weather gives you an excuse to LOOOSSEEEE YOUR MIND!! The higher the number associated with the hurricane the more insanity there is to be had. Panic allows your fantasies to run wild. For appropriate level of panic try to relate the situation to some form of disaster movie. It's important to relate to the appropriate disaster movie though, The Day After Tomorrow, no good, has to happy and optimistic of an ending. Think Apocalypse Now or Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome!!! That's right, think Mel Gibson's greasy hair.

Yes this is what your hair will look like in the post apocalyptic world of this storm ladies. That should put the appropriate fear into you.

2.) Loot!!! Hurricane season and the Christmas holiday season are back to back, why not get an early start?? Looting is like a 100% off sale with the added benefit of being like a real live version of Grand Theft Auto. You get to run from cops, snort pepper spray and get that sweet LCD TV you've had your eye on.

1.) Celebrate your Anniversary!! Yep thats right, it was our Anniversary today. What a great time for a storm to hit. We just completed our 2nd year of marriage and WOW what a great two years. We celebrated with a little looting, some panic, and sniffing a little gas, if somethings not broke don't fix it :)...

The Day of One's Death

"The day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth..." Ecclesiastes 7:1

My wife's Grandfather passed yesterday. He was a strong man beaten by blows from diabetes, liver failure, and infection. Each took turns humbling a once proud man. The goodbyes that linger the longest are the hardest, and his goodbye lingered.

Saying goodbye with such finality is hard. You begin saying goodbye when they stop being the person you knew, because that person is already gone. As their body is beaten their spirit is bruised, the humor and personality are abandoned. They struggle for breath, and conversation is no more than soft whisper.

While we have been visiting I walked around their place. Ten acres of land surround them. A pasture for the cattle, a shed, and a space for a garden. There is a nice backyard with a soft carpet of grass, not a thing to be taken for granted in the dry climate.

I have thought much about my Gramps and Grandpa during this time. I guess what I'm really thinking about is the passing of a generation. These men we're loosing, they were real men. They were all married to the same woman for 50 years, they raised big families, they grew and built.

Dirt and grease on hard hands. Sun dried faces fresh touched by razors. Few words, much action. Building and tending to everything they had. They wasted nothing, they valued everything they had.

Now the grass overtakes the fence, and the shed needs repair and paint.

"One generation passes away, and another generation comes;
But the earth abides forever." - Ecclesiastes 1:4

God has rigged it hasn't he? There is no winning, we are all Sisyphus rolling the stone up the hill only to watch it roll down again.

Statue from the National Cathedral in Washington DC.

Several years ago I stood in front of the mirror of my apartment's bathroom, I stared into my own eyes and asked myself a question "what are you doing?" The question came on a Sunday afternoon after a weekend filled with sin that I thought of sincerely as fun at the time. I was empty, alone, and sad.

For some time I just stood there, then I prayed and asked God to lead me to somewhere far away from that place.

God did not leave me alone, a few months later I found myself with a group of people I now consider my closest friends. I began going to a college / career group called RLU and I will call it heaven sent, because that's how I felt and feel about it. God answered a deep need, and used a group of single believers to draw me closer to him. I loved RLU, I loved it dearly. It was a moment in my life that I will always look back to as wonderful, it was God answering prayer.

The group disbanded right about the time I met my wife, talk about God's timing. I've felt as though God provided a bridge between two points in my life. He needed me broken first, and he allowed me to get far enough away from him to feel the dark taint of sin, then he gathered me gently back, and put me in a place where I needed to be for my wife.

While it was a short time, I still look back on that time with fondness. What surprises me is the way others talk about that time, and not just about RLU, but about singles groups in general. There is no part of life not filled with some awkwardness, some amount of annoyance, yet for some it seems the focus of all evil in the church is the singles group (exaggerated for effect).

There is a tendency to find fault where others do, something about mob-mentality that destroys the sweetness of something when bitter words are cast out against it. I've heard remarks about how "awkward" that time was, how "messed up" it was, how it was nothing more than a "meat market" and I think to myself, "well why did you go?"

I found myself second guessing my memories of that time, wondering if I somehow left details out. No matter how hard I look though I still cannot find the bitter in anything other than the fact that it is gone, and will not be there for the next "me" who needs a bridge from one part of their lives to the other.

Some memories.

Going to Crystal Beach with Richard to just hang out. Leaving as the sun was rising over I45 sometime around 5AM.

River-Run, my cousin went, it was right before he became a father and such trips were no longer possible.

Suppressed Desire party, I won the "dinner for two."

July 4th party, John Ford with the complete hook up on the house.

Galveston, Brazos Bend, Miller Outdoor Theater, Thursday night - always Thursday, and late night Taco Cabana.

I did know what I had, and its gone, I wouldn't go back, but it was certainly a nice rest stop.

Friendships

A couple of posts ago I commented on the cyclical nature of friendships. My focus of the post was a friend of my wife's but my own friendships came to mind as well. A friend that has drifted in and out over the last several years moved in a couple of apartments down from me this last week. He is a friend, but one of the infrequent friends that seem to populate a work week and not weekend. He is recently divorced, the aftermath of which has left him in a one bedroom apartment in a sad older complex all alone.

Divorce scares me perhaps more than anything else. Its everywhere, and across racial / social divides. There is no segment of the population who are not touched. The Bible says that husband and wife are considered one flesh, one person, it follows that divorce is the murder of that person. Over the past couple of years I have seen the adaption from single to couple, and I can say that I am no longer the same person. I've wondered at divorce more now that I'm married than I did before, how does it work? How do you separate yourself from someone who has been flesh of your flesh? I would find it akin to deciding one day that I could no longer live with my right hand, and taking a hacksaw to it. When you wake up the morning after leaving your (w)(l)ife what part of you is left?

Amputees report still feeling as if their limbs were attached, a man I knew growing up who had lost his pinky said that the worst was when his missing pinky itched. Wouldn't life after divorce have the same sensation, the sense that its still there, but not there enough to actually touch.

My favorite part of Lord of the Rings is Gollum. If there was ever a character that represents sin and ugliness of humanity its him. He is eaten up with the love and hate for something that is torturing him, that has caused him infinite pain, and has driven him away from all he loves and cares for. Try as Gollum might he can never in and of himself be rid of the Ring (or evil), even as it sends him to a fiery abyss he cradles it in his arms and calls it "precious."

What sin in my life do I call "precious" that hurts me, and causes me to hurt others. What may drive others away, and divide me from everything I love and care for.

This pic is from the National Cathedral's door. I like finding subtle details to photograph. Of all the pics I took while being there this is my favorite, I like places where the closer the look the more you find, intricate I believe is the word.

Decline and Fall

After we got back from Washington DC I had a whole lot to say. We had visited a group of sites that are symbols of what our country's soul. I wrote a long post in my personal journal about my feelings, they are not positive, many sites left me with a deep uneasiness at what our country has come to value.

The greater uneasiness also has to do with the decay I see around the capital. There is sense of not necessarily danger, but a sense that you should be cautious when you're walking through DC. I've heard since that DC is not that bad - but not that good either. Here is something that I found interesting though, and that is my response to the capital now as opposed to eight years ago.

Eight years ago I went to DC and found the city incredible. I was in love with DC, spent time jumping between the different sites even late into the night. I was alone for much of that trip (maybe a future blog post) and never felt anything other than complete wonder. This time I felt uneasy for much of the trip, why? Has the city changed. I felt that maybe it had. Since I was there last 9/11 occurred. Where there was once an open lawn in front of the Capital Building now stands an impressive metal fence. The fence looks to be of solid steel and formidable, its not an addition made for aesthetics. You can walk across the lawn, but it is less opened than before. I wondered if perhaps the capital reflected an underlying mood, suspicion, and perhaps I was picking up on that. Another thing that has changed since I went to DC last, and that was now I have a wife.

Assuming the role of a husband and feeling responsible for the safety of another is a strange thing. I wonder if my cautious gaze is not due to my wife walking beside me. It is amazing how much marriage changes you. There is a tendency to feel that marriage is just another step or passing sign in your life, but it is far more than that. I cannot create an analogy that will make sense to those who have not experienced it. I remember my Dad seemed to be constantly telling me that I would "understand when I'm older" and he was right, I do understand now. We are just not capable of comprehending something so far out of the reality we know, we can observe it, but in experience is the only true understanding.

I have thought a lot about the cyclical nature of friendships. I cannot name the number of people who seem to rotate in and out of my life. Friendships are amazing things, they add color and shading to our lives, creating something more vivid than before.

Enough of analogy, why am I thinking about friendships? Well two things. One is the departure of some very dear friends of ours. They are moving to Florida. (Future posts idea -- couple friends -- spent some time inserting it into this post but that is not what this post is about.) They have been our "goto" friends for the past year or so, the friends you call at the spur of the moment to do margaritas, movies, or just hanging out. The great thing about goto friends is that the best times are often had without plans. Over the past year the best of times have been had with our goto friends, they are already missed, and the blank spots in our nights will be hard to fill. We took some pictures of them before they left - one was the picture included in this post. It's hard to watch friends move away, but even harder to watch them drift away.

This weekend we attended a wedding for one of my wife's friends. It was not the happy event that it should have been. A couple of months ago her friend found herself on the wrong side of marriage and pregnant. This weekend she had a small backyard ceremony, and after a few giggled oaths her boyfriend became her husband. It's hard to summarize feelings on such an occasion. There are lots of tight smiles and disingenuous congratulations. Statistics tell us that chances of happy endings in such situations are not good. What type of ending is "good" in such a situation?

On the long drive home my wife sat silently for a long time and stared into the passing East Texas landscape. The sun was casting the last touches of the days light along the fields and small towns we passed. My wife's friend has slowly drifted away over the past couple of years. They were friends whose relationship was based on the past, and that distance is far greater than the one between us and our friends in Florida.

There are tiny margins that separate different possibilities in our lives. How many moments separate any of us from a life far different from the one we picture ourself in. A backyard wedding seems an appropriate example for the choices that mark the biggest of changes in our lives.

Continuing what I would like to think of as stellar consistency I am posting yet again. I've maintained a once a year post for the last several years. I won't say their worth the wait, but for the one of me that goes back and reads this it doesn't matter :)..

Wow, one bad thing about only posting once a year is the overwhelming amount of material to catch up on. I graduated this semester. I have finished a 10 year long track in getting my BBA. I don't know whether to call it a success or not. The process was so long that I've come to the end not knowing whether to be proud or ashamed. My wife is proud of me, she told me it was comforting that I don't give up on my dreams, and that I won't ever stop working on them.

Other's comment "you've been going to school as long as I've known you." I won't lie it stings a little. I'm aware that by some measure I am like one of the last few crossing the finish line.

Reminds me of a track meet in middle school. I decided to run the 200 (1/2 of the track). I lined up (you could spot me easy because I was the shortest one in the lineup), and waited for the gun (in my mind it was a gun - maybe not), it went off and for a few seconds I was with everyone else, fighting for the lead, then everyone seemed to drop it into some gear I didn't have. I watched as the pack left me further and further behind. It felt as if my legs just wouldn't work properly, I was running as fast as I could and yet when I turned the corner all the others were already at the finish line. I finished the race, and found that I had run my fastest time ever, but my fastest was just not good enough.

Felt that way at graduation. I had run as fast as I could, yet all these kids were crossing when I had just turned the corner. I thought of something a little later on, I remember that race. Along the sideline there were a few of my team-mates and they were cheering for me, they weren't even in the race, but they were supporting me. At graduation I had a sideline as well - my Wife, Mom, Dad, and Mother-in-law. My Mom cried, and I could tell my Dad was proud. They were cheering from the sidelines, but they never made it to the race. I was in the race - even if I finished last, I finished.

Took this picture at Herman Park's Japanese Garden. The bamboo has all been maked with graffitti, giving it all these man made scars. Pretty cool looking actually. Pictures are frustrating to take underneather their canopy, its dark, and the light doesn't bounce very well. After several attempts got this pic, not to bad. Gonna try morning instead of afternoon next time, the light should work a little better..  

Chapel near Estes Park Colorado... 

Went to Colorado for my Honeymoon. While we were there my wife wanted to go to the Denver Zoo, I'm glad she did, its an amazing place. Denver is tempered enough that the animals stay very active. I think Houston's heat oppresses the animals here, thinking of starting a movement to "Free the Monkeys..."  

I SAID NO MAYO!!! 

He wants a fish, I would give it to him... 

This is of a Jaguar at the Denver Zoo. He was pacing back and forth in his cage, watching the crowd. He was equally intimidating, and sad.  

Another picture of the vain bird, not sure what it is, but I like it :)